Yom Kippur: Raise the Bar

You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.

Click here if you are unable to view YouTube videos.

In honour of L, who has helped me realize
every beautiful emotion imaginable
and for reminding me that being true to myself
will always get me everything I want in life,
however long it takes.

Sponsor an episode of Lori Almost Live. Click here to find out more.

Visitor Comments: 8

(5) simcha, October 7, 2011 6:18 PM

Rebbetzin, I always watch your "Lori Almost Live" clips theyre amazing! this was amazing! If its possible could this picture be taken down? with such an inspiring message I dont see why an inapropriate looking image of this man should be displayed. It doesnt fit with your powerful pure words nor does it fit on Aish.com. Sorry but i had to mention it 2 other people said the same thing as me. Thank you again for the message and Gmar Chasima Tova!

(4) seymour morris, October 5, 2011 6:32 PM

commom sense which God would want us to use at this time and always

good easy way to enjoy Yom Kippor with family and friends

(3) Shulamis Mallet, October 5, 2011 5:53 PM

jo, please read

Lori, do people really spend the entire day banging their chests, asking for forgiveness, including for their treatment of others, and for personality deficits that they couldn't control, and then fight about who gets to...? These are adults we're talking about, right? I would suggest that BEFORE the holiday, a schedule be worked out, before any fighting can undo all the good that's been done. There are many holiday meals to be celebrated, take turns. If there is a Patriarch or Matriarch, they should, of course be given first choice. After that, it should be a matter of seniority. Keep in mind that G-d looks favorably on those who are considerate of others. The best way to show G-d that we're serious about our commitment to be better, is to treat others better. To think before we speak (something that I have to work on), to choose our words more carefully, to put others before ourselves. What's a moment of glory if it's followed by weeks or months of bad feelings? Does it really matter where the meal is, if it means that the family is together? People should take a moment to realize how many lonely people there are, that don't have families to share a meal with. I would also discuss (not at a tense moment) the possibility of learning Shmiras Haloshon (A Lesson A Day by the Chofetz Chaim). Working on ourselves all year will make it easier to handle ourselves in tough situations. The best way to stop an argument that's already in progress, is a distraction. Laughter (almost) always works for me. If the subject of the fight is not too sensitive, make a joke about it. If you know your family is prone to fights, have a whole sheet of jokes prepared. Try to talk individually to family members to clear the air (not at the gathering). If you can get other family members on the same page, you'll have an easier time changing unhealthy family patterns. Don't put anyone on the defensive, keep things light, and keep smiling. Gmar Chasima Tova

(2) Willy, October 3, 2011 5:30 PM

be greatful

It was sad to read about people fighting on where to end the fast. I am grateful just to be able to get through the fast. I am diabetic. when I fast I have to keep real good track of my numbers. Sometime I am able to do it and when I am done I thank the Almighty for this blessing. Other time my numbers go to low and I have to break it. It is for me disappointing but at least I tried. I know that because of my condition I don't have to fast. The problem is I want to. Get an chart from the oldest to the youngest,start at the oldest and work your way down the list. That way everyone gets an turn and keep the peace. I know that I will be fasting. for those who are diabetic be careful, my wife is unable to fast. Her numbers drop to low.

ana, October 5, 2011 12:34 AM

willy, have an easy fast and meaningful yom kippur

i like your idea about using a chart to stop fighting. i hope some people who could use the idea will read what you wrote and put your great idea to use. shana tova.

(1) jo, October 3, 2011 3:32 AM

easier said than done

nice point, but it's really difficult to get along when everyone is so petty. it's really difficult to go along and smile and be polite when people all around can have conflicts over nothing. i have gotten into heated arguments within thirty minutes of the end of yom kippur, and of course was horrified, but have no real tangible way of avoiding the chaos all around me. i'm the one witnessing everyone's bad behavior, trying to get everyone to chill out and calm down and to stop demanding of others, and then everyone turns on me. the only thing i can do is to keep quiet. not sure if the rest of them can do anything. yes, right after rosh hashana i was told in my own home that i was eating in the wrong place--apparently, eating should not be done sitting at the kitchen island, only at the table--i was told to not do it again. of course now i know better to not point out how silly this is to the one who said it, even though he actually eats most of his meals standing up near a counter. anyhow, lori, how do people who do not know how to get along and just chill do so after yom kippur and beyond? just don't talk? that's what it comes to in my house. everyone walking around with pained expressions, just keeping it all in, not mentioning that someone--gasp!--served part of the main dish as an appetizer, opened a second bottle of dressing when one was opened, or served something on one platter when another one was apparently obviously set out. what does one do when people fight about everything? how can the fighters stop their controlling and bickering and how can everyone else stay sane when explaining to the others doesn't seem to work and keeping quiet seems neglectful? does anyone have any ideas? thank you.

Tammie, October 5, 2011 3:54 PM

be at peace, you've done all you can

set up a time to talk about it. perhaps show them this letter or prepare something similiar and ask them for their ideas. let's work together to find away to have the peace that G-d wants for us. In the meantime, realize that you have done all you can for now, and be at peace. It's not getting out of harmony that is the problem, it is not getting back up. A righteous person falls 7 times and gets up.

Ann Brady, October 7, 2011 12:05 AM

Nerves Become Raw During A Fast

I love Shulamis' suggestion about using humour to soothe raw family nerves. If family members could be reminded - before the Yom Kippur fast and its breaking - that they will be tender in their souls at this momentous time and thus "prickly," they may remember to treat each other more gently wherever they feast. Everything should be geared toward that end, of tenderness and newness to make it truly a New year. Shalom Aleichem, dear ones.

About the Author

Mrs. Lori Palatnik

Lori Palatnik is an author and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio and has lectured on five continents, illuminating traditional practices and life-styles for our contemporary world. She and her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik, live in Washington, DC, where she is Executive Director of the Jewish Women's Renaissance Project. Lori is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond—The Shabbat Experience Step-by-Step"; "Remember My Soul", which explains the Jewish concepts of soul and the afterlife and a guide to anyone who has ever lost a loved one; and "Gossip—Ten Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul", featured on "Dr. Laura" and FoxNews.com.

Yom Kippur: Raise the Bar

Visitor Comments: 8

(5) simcha, October 7, 2011 6:18 PM

(4) seymour morris, October 5, 2011 6:32 PM

(3) Shulamis Mallet, October 5, 2011 5:53 PM

(2) Willy, October 3, 2011 5:30 PM

ana, October 5, 2011 12:34 AM

(1) jo, October 3, 2011 3:32 AM

Tammie, October 5, 2011 3:54 PM

Ann Brady, October 7, 2011 12:05 AM

Submit Your Comment:

About the Author

Mrs. Lori Palatnik

Related Articles:

Most Popular In:

1.Mayim Bialik: Mikvah Connoisseur

2.Never Give Up

3.Field of Potential

4.Shavuot: Maintaining the Inspiration

1.The Day that Shook the World

2.Being Mom Enough

3.Mayim Bialik: Mikvah Connoisseur

4.Lighter Delicious Shavuot Recipes

Sponsors

Upcoming Holiday

Aish.com Features

LANGUAGES:

AFFILIATES:

SECTIONS:

EMAIL LISTS:

ABOUT:

FOLLOW US: